


Limits

by koyukki



Category: Mikagura School Suite
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-30
Updated: 2015-05-13
Packaged: 2018-03-26 11:25:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3849169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koyukki/pseuds/koyukki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just like how other childhood friends are, Kyoma has always been by Seisa’s side, so when he suddenly transferred to a boarding school, Seisa is surprised because… Because childhood friends are supposed to be always together, right? Or not?</p><p>AU where Kyoma and Seisa are childhood friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love childhood friends so much, it’s like a blessing. I’m having super hard time about what to write though, so this is my first time trying to write a childhood friends AU properly. Writing so many KyoSei makes me extremely happy, it was very fun (❁´◡`❁) Such religious experience, 15/10 recommended. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this!

_5 years old_

It was _very_ cold, or at least to Kyoma, partly because he was being very stubborn and not wearing the extra scarf although his mother told him to, and because he just lend his only scarf he’s wearing. He’s a little bit confused and worried as well, so he could only stood where he currently is, watching the girl in front of him crying, with his only red scarf now wrapped around her neck. Well, that wasn’t a very good thing to do.

“Are you okay?” He approached her, and she shook her head, “Are you blind? Clearly not!” and then continued crying again. Kyoma sighed.

He recalled again at how the swing set have been there for years, maybe years before they were born, or even older than his own tiny fingers could count. Even so, he and Seisa have been playing with it for years, too, and well, despite how their parents have repeatedly warn them, nothing has happened so far _except this one time_ , so even Kyoma didn’t see this coming.

He glanced at the cold, rusty metal, icy because of winter, and despite it was really old, he suppose it’s still useable because Seisa fell on her own today, and not because of the swing set at all. Maybe they won’t be playing with it again during the upcoming holiday.

“Here,” he held his hand out, offering it to her, “Can you stand up?”

“I think no,” she shook her head again, “I think it’s swollen. It hurts.” She still sobbed, but she tried to wipe her tears. Kyoma considered checking her foot, but it might get even colder, so he opted to go straight home. “Okay,” Kyoma turned and now his back facing her, “I’ll carry you home, so stop crying. It’ll be fine.”

“N—no, I don’t want to trouble you.”

“Come on, it might get worse.” He can hear her still sobbing, but he also could hear her moving, and finally ready. He ended up carrying her all the way home although he wanted to whine too. When they arrived home, Seisa’s parents panicked, and Seisa coldly commented that they were overreacting despite she herself was crying moments ago, but Kyoma didn’t say a thing.

“Hey, Kyoma-kun,” Seisa called as she gulped her hot chocolate, and Kyoma was staring as his, the one her parents gave to him earlier in a Christmas-themed mug with some marshmallow floating, and he only responded with a short “Hm.” Seisa placed her mug back on the top of the table. She seemed to be nervous and hesitated to do whatever she was going to do, but she took a deep breath and leaned to Kyoma, kissing his cheek.

He felt his face heated.

“Wh—wha—“ “Thank you,” she cuts in, then reached her mug and drank her hot chocolate again. They didn’t say anything else beside see you tomorrow later that evening, but even so, Kyoma thought it was a comforting silent between them. Years later, when Kyoma thought that would be the last time she did it and it would be his last time he has to carry her home, he was completely wrong. It continued years later, especially for Seisa, kissing his cheek as a form of gratitude became her habit.

:::

_8 years old_

As they grew up, both Kyoma and Seisa did even more strange things, mostly together and sometimes on their own, but even so, Kyoma finds it fun to know what else Seisa have been doing when he’s not around. He always looks forward the school ended, and then when they walk home together, Seisa will tell him interesting stories, and after she’s finished, he’ll tell her his own.

He admits that he’s a little lonely because that year they’re not in the same class, but Seisa always have funny stories, and there’s always next year. They can always be in the same class next year.

“What are you doing?” He asked, lying on the grass. It was quite warm that Sunday, spring weather at its best and there are not much people beside them in the park where they usually play, not to mention that they were under a tree, so he’s getting a little sleepy already, it was a perfect place for nap.

“Just wait,” she replied, her back still facing him, but he can saw from the behind she was making something, hands moving and very busy. He wants to peek, but he doesn’t want to risk making her angry. Just when he was about to yawn for the seventh time that afternoon ( _Seisa keeps counting it_ , he recalled), Seisa turned. “Done!”

“What’s done?”

“This,” she held something up high, but it was kind of bright, so Kyoma can’t really see well. She leaned in, “Don’t lay around like that,” and pulled him up. Then he felt something on the top of his head.

“Flower crown,” she told him, smiling as she replied, satisfied with her work. “Flower crown? Isn’t that’s what girls usually wear?” Kyoma frowned, feeling a little bit confused. Boys don’t wear flower crown, boys wear cool cape and carry swords around. “Girls in my class make this for their best friends. It still looks nice on you, though. I think.”

“Thank you,” he finally smiled back at her. Well, wearing flower crown isn’t something boys would usually do, but he was happy that Seisa called him her best friend, and as cliché or as stupid as that sounds, it still makes him happy. And Seisa was happy, too. “If I’m wearing a crown, does this mean I’m a king?”

“Oh! You’re right. Can I be the queen, then?”

“Sure,” he smiled, “But you’ll need a crown too. Teach me how to make these things.”

:::

_10 years old_

And as they grew even older, Seisa’s parents get even busier. Sometimes they go on lengthy business trip outside the city, or even overseas, and Seisa arrived home alone even more often. They did consider about moving Seisa to her grandmother’s house so she doesn’t have to be alone, but Seisa insisted on staying even though she’s lonely.

And this means Kyoma’s family has to take care of her.

Not that anyone in his family finds that a problem, though. Kyoma’s mother said that she always wanted a daughter especially the ones like Seisa, even joked that if she and Kyoma were to be married, she’ll welcome Seisa with open hands (both Kyoma and Seisa blushed when hearing this and Kyoma’s mother teased them even more by saying something about “Ah, youth”), and Kyoma’s father was delighted with Seisa’s presence.

Kyoma’s mother often invited her to the family’s dinner because Seisa could only cook simple things, and his mother even offered to teach her how to cook properly (and jokes again how she can’t let her son eat only simple dishes like fried egg if they’re married), and when it became a habit already, Kyoma’s mother always sent Kyoma himself to call Seisa.

Seisa also hangs out in Kyoma’s room more often, doing things like playing games together and occasional yelling ensued because they played games like Mario Kart or Mario Party, or sometimes cooperating together and it was peaceful because of games like Animal Crossing. They also do their homework together, and naturally, they started to study together as well, although they didn’t invite each other when inviting their own friends to study together.

She didn’t really show that she’s sad at all, even barely showed it, Kyoma noted, but he knew that sometimes, when they were walking home together, be it from school or maybe after buying some groceries thanks to his mother, Seisa often secretly glanced at the kids walking home with their mother from daycare. He can tell very well that Seisa missed her parents a lot.

Months passed and seasons changed, then it was December. It gets even busier every week because everyone was excited with Christmas, the city is covered in distinct red and green, Christmas themed decorations filled nearly every corner of the street. When Christmas finally rolled in, more and more people filled the streets, a lot of them holding hands, and Seisa keeps teasing Kyoma about maybe they should hold hands too so they could fit with the crowds.

Kyoma gets embarrassed almost every time he heard it, but after a while, Seisa caught him actually staring at her hand and probably waits for a good timing. She grabs Kyoma’s hand and casually tangled her fingers around him although she felt a little embarrassed too, because they’re not kids anymore and do childhood friends actually do this kind of thing, anyway? It took a while for Kyoma to get used to it, and he even bumped into a few people, but they only laughed at it and without realizing, Kyoma is used to it already.

He didn’t want to admit that the truth is he still wants to hold her hand a little bit longer when she finally lets go. Kyoma also thought it was strange that he felt like that, but he brushed it off.

:::

_11 years old_

It’s been over a year since Kyoma’s family takes care of Seisa, and beside the strange thought Kyoma had that one time during Christmas, which he still doesn’t really understand why, there’s nothing really big happened. Kyoma didn’t really think much of it after that week, and he supposed that the best explanation of why he felt like that is because they’re just childhood friends, and it’s normal that he’s used to be around her by now. Seisa is probably the closest girl to him, anyway.

Now Seisa has gotten better at cooking and she often helps his mother cooks (that makes her jokes about having the two of them married even more often now). He sometimes offered to help, but they always told him to sit down because they know he’ll try one way or another to sneak milk into it and it’ll be a disaster.

Kyoma still caught it though, that sad expression she had once in a while when they passed a family walking together once in a while, but even until now, he said nothing about it. He doesn’t even know what to say, and although he really wants to help, he might intervene too much, so he stayed behind the line.

Although he did try once.

“Are you okay?” he asked, while Seisa was sitting on a park bench, somewhere near their school sometime earlier that year. Seisa had just placed her bag on the bench, and so did he, and she turned at him, confused. Questions were written all over her face. “I mean, you know, your parents are not here… You’re not lonely?”

“Oh,” she replied curtly, and Kyoma knows he’s not ready for whatever Seisa’s reaction coming next, be it another harsh reply or a kick in the shin. He’s a little scared. “I’m thirsty.” Well, now _that_ was unexpected. She opened her bag, digging for her purse, but Kyoma stood up instead. “Wait here,” he said, and Seisa only nodded.

There’s a vending machine close to them, and he walked there hoping there’s milk in the machine. _There it is_ , he thankfully thought as he got two of it, and walks back. “Here,” he said, offering one to her. She stared at it a couple of seconds before drawing her hands out of her pocket, and he noticed how she didn’t wear any mittens that day. She suddenly stood up, and Kyoma thought she was reaching for the milk, but she didn’t even touch it, she went past it.

She touched his cheek with her bare hands. And it’s _cold_.

“Cold—What are you doing?!”

She let go of her hand, giggling, and leaving Kyoma was dumbfounded. Seisa stretched her hands again, this time she managed to hold his face longer than he ever wanted, his cheek even _colder_ , and the close proximity they had didn’t help at all. “Seisa, stop—”

“It’s warm. Your cheeks are warm.” She lets go after some more torturing seconds, “I wish I had cheeks that warm.”

“You should be wearing your mittens, you might catch cold,” Kyoma decided to brush off everything because it’s her hobby, but he found his hands full when he was about to take his own mittens. Seisa took both of the milk from his hand, “Let me help.” He took it off, and he noticed how bothersome it is becoming now—both of Seisa’s hands are full, she can’t take the mittens, and he can’t hold _both_ the mittens and the milk—he placed his mittens on the top of his bag, and then took both of the milk again from Seisa’s hands.

“Oh? I thought you were trying to cheer me up?”

“I am, but you took advantage of my kindness instead, so now both of them are for me.” He could hear her giggled again. “Fine, I’ll take the mittens, then.” She reached the mittens and wore it, while Kyoma waited for a good timing to offer her milk. Seisa said something instead.

“I’m fine. I mean, who needs a loving home when I have a friend like you? You’re like my home.”

Kyoma felt his face hot, and he feels like losing every word he wanted to tell her earlier. “O—oh… Thanks. But hey, although I’m honored, you still need a home.” After that, Seisa didn’t say anything else, so he decided to offered one of the milk to her again. “Ah, so now it’s for me again?”

“Hey, you were thirsty.” Seisa only smiled, and leaned closer, kissing his cheek. “Thank you for worrying about me. And the milk” He was sure his cheeks are warmer than it is earlier now. “Y—yeah…” He’s still not used with that one.

 

:::

_12 years old_

Now it’s almost two years, and Seisa’s presence became a completely normal thing in the Kuzuryuu family. Kyoma’s parents treated Seisa like she’s their own daughter, and so does Seisa, their residence became almost like a home to her, although she still enters the house in polite manner, and still keeping her politeness when talking to Kyoma’s parents. And his mother still jokes about setting an arranged marriage for him and Seisa.

“It’s our last year in elementary school,” she said one day, when they were walking home, bags heavy with reference and exercise books to prepare middle school entrance exam, and Kyoma only nodded. “Are you excited for middle school?”

“Kind of,” he replied as he yawned, lack of sleep from pulling an all-nighter because of that day’s math test. “There wouldn’t be much difference with elementary school, right?”

“Maybe,” she answered, as she fastened her pace, “Look!” Kyoma almost had a trouble with her sudden change, but he still follows, and saw her petting a dog. He sighed. “Don’t you want to pet this cutie?” The one Seisa was talking about is a seemingly two years old Maltese, and the old lady seemed to be happy with Seisa taking interest in her pet.

Their days continued casually, still with some quarrel here and there once in a while because either Kyoma lost Seisa’s belonging or Seisa pulled something on him. Then without realizing, her birthday is getting even closer.

Every year they always spent each other’s birthday together, Seisa had a hoard of friends at school as Kyoma puts it despite Seisa insisted that it wasn’t much, and Kyoma had his own group of friends, but even so they always find the time to celebrates it together. And they were neighbors anyway. Kyoma started jumping into Seisa’s bedroom window even when they were still eight so he can say happy birthday to her first, and then soon enough, Seisa follows suit.

Simply jumping into each other’s room gets boring, though, their yearly tradition turned from jumping into each other’s room into jumping into each other’s room with a surprise. This year, however, since Seisa’s birthday is just a few days after their elementary school’s graduation and middle school’s opening ceremony, Kyoma gets quite busy and he didn’t have the time to get anything for Seisa’s birthday.

 _She will be mad_ , Kyoma thought, and angry Seisa is one thing he didn’t really want to deal with, but it’s almost 12 AM and at least he should plan a surprise now and say the first happy birthday before anyone else instead of thinking about what might possibly happen. Although just like he has nothing for her present, he has nothing either for her surprise.

Kyoma glanced at the clock, _five minutes left_ , and he finally grabbed a pen and a paper from his desk, scribbled something on it, folded it into four folds, and then opens his window. The cold air of spring hits him, and after a last glance on his clock, he jumped into Seisa’s balcony, smoothly and almost without any sound, just like usual. He knocked on the window.

Soon enough, he could hear taps on the wood floor, and Seisa in a pink pajama with rabbit pattern and a ribbon on it he has never seen before, _maybe a birthday present from his parents_ , slides her window open, seemed excited.

“U—Um… Happy birthday!”

She doesn’t look as excited as how she is earlier. “…That’s it? So like, the lack of surprise is what should surprise me?”

 _She’s angry_ , he thought, _code red_. “Can we get to the present already?” Seisa stared at him, and pondered briefly between decisions, before she finally slides the window more for him, “Okay.” He entered and gave her a piece of paper in four folds. She frowned. “Is this a supposedly yet another surprise?”

“Well, I mean, we just entered middle school a few days ago, so… Sorry. Um. Just open it.”

Seisa seemed a little hesitated at first, but she finally agreed and opens the paper, then reads it. “What’s this? A voucher for the second button of your middle school uniform? I don’t need buttons.”

“There’s a meaning behind it, though! I heard that you should give it to someone important to you during the middle school graduation because it’s located closest to your heart. That shows how much important that person is to you.”

“I see…” She stared at the paper a few more second, then turned at him. “Alright, can I ask for it now?”

“Huh?! But you’re supposed to give it—”

“I know, I’m just joking,” she giggled, “This is weird, but I didn’t expect it either.” Seisa walks to him, and she noticed how he already grows taller than her already, but brushing it off as she kissed his cheek. “Thank you. By the way, what I heard is that giving your second button is a form of confession instead—”

“What?!”

“Just kidding.”

Kyoma sighed, it seems that Seisa will tease him a lot more when she’s angry. “Anyway,” he said again, as Seisa placed the voucher on her desk, “Are your parents coming home for your birthday?”

There’s a long pause before Seisa answered, and Kyoma should’ve noticed it, but he was late and he could hear her restrained voice. “Nah, their jobs keeping them busy.”

“O—oh… Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she smiled, “I don’t really need anything when I have a friend like you, anyway.” He was sure that was a lie, because even until now, he still could see that sadness reflected in her eyes. What she said was somehow believable though, he wished it really is like that.

“Don’t push yourself,” Kyoma wasn’t sure of what to say, he never prepared himself to comfort her about this topic, but he has never been and maybe, he never will, and he can’t bear to see her sad, so he _tried to_. “If you’re lonely, just say it. There’s nothing wrong with it,“ he added, and walked closer to her, pulling her into his arm awkwardly. He has never done anything like this before, and god, it sure is _embarrassing_.

Just when he thought he should let her go and it’s getting more awkward, he heard her started to cry, and he nearly panicked because although he knew she might cry, he didn’t really prepare himself for the possibility. And he indirectly makes a girl cry, which wasn’t a very good thing. He would mentally reprimand himself right there if he could, but he didn’t have the time, he has to comfort her. Somehow.

And his first attempt was to pat her while he listened to her ranting between the sobs, and repeatedly repeats “Yeah.” He wasn’t sure what else to do, but he knew he’d feel even worse if someone were to tell him what he has been going through is still easy, and it’s not like he has been going through anything harder than her, anyway. He doesn’t have any rights either to spout nonsense like “Yes, I understand what you felt,” or something like that, so he settled on that.

When she finally could stop sobbing, he lifted her face, and wiped her tears away with his thumbs, “Feel better?”

“Much better,” she replied, “Thank you. And I’m sorry for the trouble,” she added. Kyoma shook his head, “No, listen, it’s okay. Cry as much as you want, that’s what friends are for. I’d be more than willing to come by and have you crying in my arms again 12 in the morning next time you need me,” and just like how she did it for the first time, he hesitated too, but he leaned closer and kissed her forehead.

:::

_13 years old_

It’s almost the third year, Seisa noted, and it’s been eight years since her and Kyoma met for the first time. Her parents just moved there, and while her father was busy opening the boxes and her mother cooks something as a gift for the neighbor, Seisa sits outside, there were flowers and although she wasn’t sure how to do it, she tried to make flower crowns like how the beautiful princesses in her fairy tale books did it, very elegant and tidy.

Then, before she knew it, she saw a paper airplane landed next to her, and a boy maybe around her age standing in front of the gates with curious orange eyes, with blonde hair. Seisa was startled, and “Who are you?” was the only thing she could splutter out before noticing the gates were open, and he walked in.

“I’m Kyoma.”

“Oh,” she replied, and now that he’s closer to her, she noticed how beautiful his eyes were, and how maybe he’s a foreigner, but he speaks Japanese well. She didn’t really care about where he might be from, though. “I’m Seisa,” she reached a hand out, and he shook it. As weird as how that sounded, that was how Seisa meets him for the first time.

They’re almost thirteen now, and their first exhausting year in high school finally coming close to an end. _Kyoma was wrong_ , Seisa thought, because there’s a lot of difference between elementary and middle school. They used to be home around three, but now if there’s any club activity that day, then they could be at home around five. Kyoma didn’t have interest in anything, so he didn’t join any club and leave early, but Seisa was dragged into a photography club because of her friend, and they often arrived home late.

Seisa is secretly glad because Kyoma always waited her whenever there’s club activity.

And then, finally, their first year in high school ended. Kyoma didn’t show up at the last day at school, and she haven’t seen him at all that day, his mother only told her that he’s busy and he’s skipping, so she went to school alone. And Seisa unwillingly admits that it feels weird, not having him by her side on the walk to school in the morning, walking all alone to the school. She’s lonely, but Seisa will never admit that one. She briefly wonders what will change if Kyoma had a girlfriend. Will he leave her?

When she arrived home, Kyoma is already there, waiting in her bedroom, casually waved to her and Seisa nearly threw her bag into his face for intruding her house and her room.

“We need to talk,” Was the first thing he said, as he gestured to the space in front of him so she will sit down. She felt something off, but only sat as Kyoma took a deep breath.

“Don’t be angry.”

“What’s this? You lost something again?” Last time he said this, or _every_ time he said this, Seisa corrected herself, Kyoma usually either lost or break her belongings, _favorite ones_ , and considering how serious he is that he even waited for her, something must have been going on. Something important must have been broken.

“No, not really… Well, actually yes. I spilled my tea on… uh, that pink jacket you like so much… Remember that?”

“What?! It was you?!” The one Kyoma’s talking about was a rabbit-patterned in pink jacket, a very fluffy and soft (according to her) jacket, and more importantly, it was the first expensive item she can buy on her own. Although she’s lucky because the stain could be cleaned, it still left her nightmares to found her favorite jacket lying on the table and stained.

“Y—yes, but look, that’s not what I want to talk about! Calm down!” Kyoma ducked as he narrowly avoids Seisa’s hit, he was very sure he saw death flashing before him. Seisa doesn’t seem like she’s planning to forgive him anytime soon, but she finally sat down. “Okay. Hurry up, because I’m not gonna miss the next one.”

Kyoma gulped, and then he carefully placed a box on the table before pushing it towards her, “Uh… Peace offering…?”

Seisa stared at the box for a couple of seconds before opened the box, finding two monochrome bracelets inside. “Is it good enough?” Kyoma asked cautiously, in an almost whispering tone as she took the bracelets out and wore it. Seisa ignored him for a few more moments as she examined the bracelets, and decided that it was more than enough.

“Yeah,” Seisa answered as she smiled, feeling satisfied. “So what do you want to talk about?”

Kyoma straightened his back, and cleared his throat. “Listen. I know this is very sudden, but… I’m transferring to a boarding school.”

Seisa turned at him, tried to read his face and try to tell if he’s joking or not, but she realized that he isn’t, and she found herself couldn’t even form any sentence. She tried to process the sentence over and over again. “…Boarding school? Why?”

“Sorry,” Kyoma lowered his head, refusing to meet her eyes, “I’m sorry.”

There are so many things inside her head, and she doesn’t even know what she should say first. She was so confused and surprised, and she didn’t want him to move, she wants to let him know about that, but all Seisa could get out from her mouth is “How about me?” It slowly feels dizzy.

“Well, you… You’ll stay. What else?”

“No,” Seisa shook her head, “You’re leaving me?”

“I can always visit you during holidays.”

“That’s not what I meant!” She snapped, and she can see that Kyoma flinched, but suddenly anger and disappointment filled her, she felt _betrayed_. It was a very ugly feeling. “I thought you won’t leave me! Didn’t you say that you’ll be by my side even at 12 in the morning if I need you?!”

Silence hung in the air for what seemingly to be years as Seisa slowly processed what she just said, how selfish it was, and maybe Kyoma hated her by now, before Kyoma finally said something. “It’s weird.”

 “…What’s weird?”

“Me and you. Girl and boy being friends. It’s impossible, and weird.”

“You’re a liar. They’ve been saying that since we were eight, and you’ve always been brushing it off. Why it matters now?!”

“Seisa, listen,” He lifted his head, now his eyes meeting hers, “You couldn’t cling onto me forever, right?”

Her throat feels like burning, it’s hot and it hurts, and now Seisa realized it wasn’t because she has been yelling. There are so many things she wanted to tell him, and yet, she couldn’t even move her mouth. She really didn’t want to cry right now. “Please,” she forced herself at last, and she started to sob. Although she didn’t want to burden him, and although it was very cliché and meaningless at this point, “Don’t go where I can’t follow.”

Just like how there are so many things Seisa wanted to tell him, there are also a lot of things going on in her mind, but above all, there’s one thing she realized the moment Kyoma told her that he’s moving: She will be once again alone again. Kyoma is moving away, she will be alone, and she lost her home. And if she lost her home, again, then where she should be going? Where she should live next, then? What should she do? No, more importantly, since when he feels home more than the old building where she has been living in for years, anyway?

She felt like a kid lost in a crowded place.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’M A JERK AHAHA I KNOW. Hopefully I can upload the next chapter somewhere this or next week, thank you for reading! And by the way, yes, that's not the real meaning behind giving the second button.


	2. Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter two! I’m trying my best to make this ended in three chapters, but I’m not really sure how to do it either so hopefully the pace is right!

It’s been more than four years since Kyoma transferred to a certain boarding school, and that also means that it’s been almost two years since Seisa started learning how to avoid people. Or to be more specific, how to avoid Kuzuryuu Kyoma.

After he transferred, despite that they’re still officially in a fight, Seisa knows that she will follow him, so she did her best to get in the same school as his, from finding out what school he’s attending, even to contacting her grandmother. Her grandmother doesn’t have anything to do with Kyoma’s school, but she is the headmistress of the sister school, so she might be able to help her.

And unfortunately, maybe the step of contacting her grandmother is a huge mistake. Sure, Seisa loves her grandmother, however after finding out that Kyoma entered a school focusing in sports and she may never be able to enter there, her grandmother offered her to enter the sister school instead: Mikagura Academy. She keeps telling her on and on about how she has a great potential, and Seisa couldn’t stand being alone in that house anyway, so she agreed to enrolled there in high school.

That sounds quite smooth so far, and Seisa agreed about that, except that turns out, in the middle of the school year, there are two unexpected new freshmen entering the academy: her childhood friend and his friend. If that still doesn’t sound unfortunate enough, Kyoma happen to be in the art club too, the club Seisa was in, and that makes her have to see him while pretending to not knowing him at all every day.

Seisa doesn't hate him, if someone were to ask her, but even after four years of messy feelings and one unfinished problem—maybe now growing—, she’s still mad at him, and the fact that it seems that he isn’t putting any effort trying to make their relationship back to how it used to be doesn’t make it any better.

Except that despite Seisa didn’t know the full detail, she has some idea of why he’s as cold as she is to him.

She still remembered it, when their eyes met again after two years, his eyes were gloomy and no longer beautiful and bright like how it used to be, and her heart feels like jumping out from her ribcage, it was almost like she had a heart attack. Seisa is surprised meeting him again, but his change surprises her even more. Most of all, although she was quite taken aback by how much he has changed and how tall he has grown, what changed from him the most is his aura.

He feels so cold and distant, scary and intimidating, making Seisa has breaks their eye contact first because she was very surprised. She still hopes the warmth he always had is still there, somewhere inside him, but at the same time, she can hear herself repeatedly telling her that maybe it’s not there anymore.

Oh god, just what they did to him back then in the past two years?

Seisa still feels bad every time she purposely avoided him, because once in a while, sometimes in the class and more than often during club activities, she caught him staring at her. And she still finds it a little funny, because people normally would think that he’s glaring at her, but she knew that he wasn’t, maybe worrying her, or wanting to talk to her, anything but angry. She just can tell.

But then, a certain accident happened. Seisa didn’t want to recall any detail about that, but it definitely leaves a scar, both physically and mentally, and that was also what makes him finally talk to her despite she still avoids him. Well, it’s not like Seisa has to do many things in the first place though, because after that accident, and even before, he never said anything to her and he also pretends like he didn’t know her. He’s rarely out, too, and that helps her.

Thanks to that certain accident, Seisa has to repeat her second year, and so, the new school year started. Which turned out to be more interesting than she had originally expected.

That flashy freshman whom Biimi followed around starting this year, Ichinomiya Eruna, is very interesting and troubling at the same time. She attracts a lot of attention thanks to her own personality and her power, and she keeps bugging her to join the Going-Home Club. Even so, a lot of the club representatives find her interesting, she has a good steady relationship with them and she helped people, too. Seisa doesn’t really show it, but she hopes that she could change the situation in the academy.

And her relationship with Kyoma also picked her interest. Although Seisa will never admit that one. _Never_.

She keeps convincing herself that she’s not interested in anyone’s love affair, she just wants to know about how her childhood friend is doing, as well as Eruna. _They would be a good pair_ , she sometimes thought, and found herself nearly crashing into a wall, or _I wonder how far their relationship is_ , she wondered once in a while, and she keeps bumping into students in the hall. Thank god, Eruna and her ever sparkling eyes when she ran into her doesn’t keep much secret, especially after she let Biimi told hers, so once in a while when they met, Eruna will spill anything and everything happened to her that day, or days before, and interesting things.

Including things she did with Kyoma, but seriously, _that doesn’t matter_ , she told herself again and again, and Eruna has to call her five times to get her back to reality.

Seisa also swore that she didn’t pay the most attention only to stories regarding him, or that her eyes actually lights up when she heard the word “art club”, or those little things related to him. She _swore_. She almost never met face to face with him again nowadays, thanks to them now in different grade and club, and if it were anything, it’s only things like she saw him across the hallway during breaks or passing each other in the hall. Seisa skipped classes a lot too, anyway, and she spent a lot of time alone, the way she prefers it, so that adds more to reasons why she can’t meet him, or according to her, How To Avoid Kuzuryuu Kyoma: The Easy Ways.

Though in spite of her being the one make the guide to avoid him, she still failed in the end. One day, on a certain evening where she is in a hurry and dashed down the stairs because she accidentally fell asleep and Kurumi, her maid, might call the police and reported her missing, for whatever reason it is—maybe so God could laugh at her—or in a more rational thinking, she’s just simply _sleepy_ , she slipped and fell down.

 _God damn_ , she silently curses under her breath as her eyes slipped shut and her body waits for the impact.  _Ladies don’t curse_ , her mother used to tell her, but remembering that it might be the end of her life soon, just once would be okay, Seisa thought. Well, that might not be the case, though.

Seisa could heard was a loud crash, but her body doesn’t hurt and she haven’t met her creator yet, for that matter, instead there’s warmth wrapped around her, and someone groaning under her. She knew someone happened to be there, so she quickly opened her eyes and lifted her head, ready to say the set of apology, but everything she prepared inside her head dispersed into thin air when she met face to face with her savior, or the less cliché way to call it, her pillow. Seisa froze in place while her pillow groaned and rubbed his head, his other arm is still behind her back, holding her.

Oh, imagine how loud Seisa would scream if she could.

Instead, she felt blood rushing to her head and she couldn’t even move her finger, and her pillow said something first.

“Hey! You idiot, what are you doing, bored already with your life?!”

That was _yelling_. But even with his tone turning very harsh, but there’s still the same amount of worry existed there years ago, and finally, Seisa felt a rush of relief upon realizing that no, he hasn’t changed yet, he still stayed the same way he is.

“I—I’m okay,” Seisa stuttered as she tried to get off from the top of him, and silently prayed that her grandmother didn’t see this, nor Kurumi, or else both of them won’t see the end of it. “Sorry,” she added, and scrambled to get on her feet, then gathered the scattered paper from the sketchbook on the floor. Her hands were shaking, and she thought she briefly saw pink hair on one of the paper, her heart nearly stopped. But Seisa simply pretended that she saw nothing and gave the paper back to its owner.

“Be careful next time. How come your birthday corresponds with Traffic Accident Prevention Day but you can’t even prevent accident?”

“I didn’t do that on purpose,” Seisa retorted, “I’m sorry for troubling. Are you okay?”

“I’m okay,” he waved, and then an ‘ouch’ followed shortly. “Okay, I think I don’t. My wrist hurts.”

“What?! Do you want me to call someone—no, actually maybe we should get to infirmary first—” “Hey hey, relax,” he placed his left hand on Seisa’s shoulder, “I’m okay. Sorta. Just bruised my arm, but I’m okay.”

“That’s not _okay_! We should do something about that! You can’t draw without your right hand!”

“I can, with my left hand, so calm down and stop panicking.”

“But—” “Stop it right there, Kuzuryuu-san! How dare you touch young lady!” Both of them turned, and they, Seisa especially, could see that Kurumi at the end of the hall, maybe speed walking towards them, is not in a very good mood—obviously not, not after she probably saw the whole thing. God didn’t answer her prayer, alright, but now maybe Kyoma is going to face a death sentence. That’s not alright.

“Woah, relax, she just fell down half the flight of stairs.”

“Yes, he’s not lying! There’s nothing fishy going on,” Seisa added, and Kurumi finally walked much slower now. She still can’t tell does this mean she trusted their statement or not.

“Are you sure this filthy man didn’t threaten you into saying that?”

“Of course not, and he’s not filthy, Kurumi-san.” _He’s just a little annoying_ , Seisa silently added.

“Alright,” Kurumi nodded, “His injury will need proper treatment, and you will need some rest, young lady.” She then turned at Kyoma, and Seisa couldn’t see whatever Kurumi did, but she was certain she must have been glaring at him, because she could hear his shaking reply agreeing to follow them.

Seisa secretly hoped she doesn’t have to ignore him anymore after this.

:::

Life isn’t consisted only of prayers granted and not granted. At least from non-religious view. Seisa really wished it is, because life would be easier, all she had to do is make a lot of silent prayers, maybe with some silent curses once in a while, and then it’s either it's happening or not.

Last time she and Kyoma had a proper talk, not just some extremely short conversation consisting of “hey” and “yeah” was that certain accident on a certain evening, and there’s just no opening for her to talk to him again. Not that she’d talk to him first, though, considering that she was the one who write the guide. (And yet, she considered burning the whole guide in her mind). Seisa started to find her, whatever it is, pride, ego, dignity, _that thing_ she had inside of her, it’s starting to trouble her a lot.

Seisa ended up having Eruna around again, listening to her stories while Biimi once in a while told her to stop when she started imagining things instead of telling her anything. Seisa has never been fond of noisy places, and especially the noise itself, and unfortunately Eruna would do anything except being silent so she has to get herself used to it, but beside the amazing yet disturbing amount of sparkle her eyes sparked every single second spent sitting next to her, as well as the excitement and all the extra energy she had and she carries around everywhere, Eruna is an amusing company.

And Seisa might or might not be imagining this, but she often secretly questioned herself is it just her or she heard stories about Kyoma a lot more nowadays? Things she said still range from the trivial things like, “Hey, hey, I met Enoyan-senpai today,” “He’s angry because of that nickname just like usual,” “I heard Kuzuryuu-senpai is working on something new this week,” “I thought Enoyan-senpai was bullying a freshman, so I jumped in to the rescue, but he yelled at me too for intruding without even knowing what’s going on! But the freshman was very cute, so it’s alright! I even managed to get her name! Teehee!”

To the less trivial and more important stories to her, “Enoyan-senpai started to hang out with his club member! Isn’t that’s amazing?” “Just yesterday Kuzuryuu-senpai told me to sit down in the Art Club, and he drew me! This felt surreal,” “Seisa-senpai, listen listen, I had a date with Enoyan-senpai, but I’m definitely not cheating on you! We just took a walk in the park because he needs inspiration, that’s all!” “Oh! I remember now, there’s one time Enoyan-senpai trying to cheered me up, so he gave me milk and preached me about how good milk is!” “Seisa-senpai, I had yet another date with Enoyan-senpai, but I still didn’t cheat on you! This time we visited the rooftop and the night sky was beautiful, I sang Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star and he hummed too!”

And every time Eruna innocently added something to the Important Details of Kuzuryuu Kyoma I Have Been Missing, although she didn’t want to admit it, Seisa’s chest grew tighter and more often than not it started to ache, so she started learning how to cut conversations in the fastest and less misleading way. Kyoma had his own way to show that he cared, but maybe, childhood friends don’t get special treatment after all, because while they already did majority of the things he did with Eruna, there are still things he never did with her. Drawing her both secretly and directly asking her to be his model, for example, is not.

Kyoma didn’t casually cheer people up because he’s bad at that, Kyoma didn’t ask anyone so normally to go around with him because he didn’t want to trouble them, _hell_ , Kyoma wouldn’t randomly sit down at the rooftop and sang along to lullaby, and the fact that he did all these things alone already makes Seisa realized something: Ichinomiya Eruna is special. And not only because of her power, or her blood running through her veins, or of the family she is from, but because who she is, because Ichinomiya Eruna is Ichinomiya Eruna, and she is special to everyone. Including him.

She briefly believes that maybe Kyoma has indeed changed, after all, turned into someone she doesn’t recognize at all. But maybe, the worst realization is that it wasn’t that Kyoma has changed, but is that she is no longer special to him, this girl is.

Why she didn’t realize this any sooner, Seisa wondered.

:::

Seisa didn’t want to admit that it was true, that Eruna is special to him, but at the same time, even though she never had any experience in love, she is still sure that even blind person can tell that she is, and maybe everyone around her, too. Seisa can’t read body language, she can’t read mind either, and she isn’t very good at less obvious signs like that, but she knows that the way Kyoma looks at her back then is different from the way he looks at Eruna, and she’s the only girl he called on first name basis, beside she herself years ago.

Then just for a moment, she mused on whether is it normal for childhood friends to feel anxious, insecure even, when their friend is about to go out with someone. Is it okay to feel like that? Is it okay to feel lost? Is it okay if she didn’t want anyone else to be that special person to him? Is it okay if she didn’t want anyone take him away? Are the thoughts bugging her mind lately is something normal, and she is allowed to think like that, or it’s not okay, because she’s just a childhood friend, and nothing else?

It’s not like childhood friends had any privilege, though, she decides after a while, childhood friends will stay as friends, and they didn’t really have any rights to do anything. Not that friend has any rights over their friends in the first place, actually. She’s sure that good friend, childhood friend especially, shouldn’t be selfish, and should be happy if their friend is happy, not feeling anything like that. Like, wanting to get between them. Good childhood friend don’t go around trying to fish more information and feel a little bit envious in the inside the more they know, or even silently praying there’s nothing, good childhood friend should be happy if their friend is happy.

Seisa can’t even tell is she and Kyoma are still officially friends, or Kyoma didn’t even count her as anyone but someone he used to know, so if yes then technically, Seisa shouldn’t even feel anything like that. So she quietly questioned whether is it still okay to feel bitter and envied Eruna, and not wanting to feel the same feeling she felt four years ago when Kyoma is taken away again.

She found herself keeps contemplating on the similar questions a lot recently, and especially, the strange feeling of discontent resting whenever thinking that Kyoma already had someone special to him, so she started to skip school more and when she go to school, Seisa came when almost everyone is home or already at their own club, sitting in the garden to avoid her slipping down the staircase or bumping into anything. She spent most of her days sleeping because she didn’t want any unnecessary thought.

But soon enough, someone, _Eruna_ , is bound to look for her. Kurumi never question why she skips school or only came when the school is close to empty, but of course someone else would. Someone who cares a little bit too much. When Seisa is just about to drink her tea, someone rang the bell and she sighed, a little bit irritated someone interrupted her. Kurumi knocked, asking who should answer, but when she saw that it’s Eruna, something inside her told her that she might be able to help, so she told Kurumi to let her in.

Who on earth is she kidding, asking advice from her possible rival… Although she isn’t sure rivals in what, exactly. Rivals in winning over Kyoma’s affection sounded really ridiculous and stupid, enough to make her laugh.

 Eruna sat down carefully, cautiously looking around, and her eyes still sparkling like usual, Seisa finding it a little amusing. If the day where her eyes no longer sparkled ever come, then it may start snowing in July. Well, she knows someone whose eyes used to sparkle from time to time, and it still doesn’t snow in July when it stopped, but she can see how they’re a two completely different case. Seisa decided to offer Eruna something when her mind suddenly ask would the girl sitting in front of her capable of making his eyes lit up like how it used to be again.

Seisa usually doesn’t had tea with cakes or sweets, _girls have to be careful with their weight_ , she recalled how Kyoma’s mother often told her, but she’s going to get Eruna staying a little longer to… just fish out some things, she promised to herself, and ask a few questions. Nothing Kyoma-related. Really.

So Seisa told Eruna to calm down and don’t have to be that nervous around, and just enjoyed the sweets, while Seisa herself is extremely nervous, between worried Eruna is actually sharp enough to be able to tell that there’s something she wanted, or didn’t notice anything and just spill everything like usual. She hopes Eruna realized that the sweets are her bribing her so she can cooperate. She started from answering Eruna’s questions, why she skipped school and lately is hard to find, even letting her eyes sparkle and Seisa pretended to didn’t see her drooling, maybe from imagining anything inappropriate like usual.

Then, after her questions are answered, she tried to start it with light questions (“Have you ever been in love before?” “I have! With you, Seisa-senpai!” Seisa actually paused to sighed), and finally, feeling a little bit impatient, she jumped into asking is it okay to ask Eruna’s advice for something. Still with the same sparkle in her eyes, Eruna agreed, and Seisa felt a little bad for using her like that, but at the same time, she had a lot of cakes. She wasn’t sure why she bothered to do this far.

“So, this friend of mine, call her A, she had a childhood friend, which we’ll call B. A had a problem with B years ago when they were in elementary school, and then they went to separate middle school. A never had the chance to talk to B because B is in a boarding school. But then, in high school A unexpectedly entered the same school as B, but A always avoided B because of their problem. Then one time, A finally talked to B, and since then A thinks B is interested in a girl, call her C. A doesn’t really welcome that fact, though, like, she didn’t want B with other girl, you know? What do you think A should do?”

Eruna actually took the time to listen properly and pay attention to it, much to Seisa’s surprise.

“Well… Senpai, the thing is, I think it’s mostly A’s fault because she didn’t try to fix her relationship with B in the first place, so it’s kind of natural that B would be interested in other girl…”

And surprisingly enough, not only Eruna makes sense again, Seisa agreed that it’s also her fault that things turning that way. She agreed that since she put the whole thing in an easier way, it’s much clearer now. Well, okay.

“B—but! B didn’t try to fix it either, so shouldn’t B at least a little bit guilty?”

“But even if B wanted to, he can’t really do that because A is avoiding him, right?”

In short, it’s everything she did that makes things ended up this way. Seisa started to understand the true meaning of irony.

“Well… Yes. Um. Then, is there at least any way to get rid of the troublesome feeling she had every time seeing C with B? It bothers A _a lot_ , beside the fact that B is close to C.”

Eruna only stared at her for a few seconds instead of saying anything, “Uh… The way senpai describe it… ‘troublesome feeling’.”

“What? Is there something wrong with it?”

“No, but there’s a name to it so… Um. Could it be that senpai didn’t know?”

“What?” Seisa blinked, _not knowing what_? The uneasiness she felt a lot lately actually had other name?

“Oh, okay,” Eruna replied thinly, and straightened her back. For a moment, Seisa thought Eruna is putting a sorry expression all over her face, but when she tried to pay attention, she seemed nervous instead. What on earth is this girl trying to say?

“Seisa-senpai, that ‘troublesome feeling’ had a name. It’s jealousy.”

Seisa blinked again, a few times, over and over again and trying to process the sentence. Her? Seisa? Jealous? Of whom? Kyoma? No way. Childhood friend shouldn’t be jealous at their friend, right? So why would she? She just didn’t want Kyoma to treat anyone special, she just didn’t want Kyoma to be that close with anyone, she just didn’t want—Well. Alright. She better gives up. If that is what it’s called, then. If she is indeed _jealous_ , then she better admit it quick to make it easier to deal with.

(( _No way_.))

She has read something about this before. Something about, the first step is denial. But it’s not exactly for situations like this, so while there are still three more steps before acceptance, she could go straight through for the acceptance because she isn’t in any loss ( _lost_ maybe, but not loss). The thing is, her biggest problem is _denial_. She knows very well that she wouldn’t really get over this fact easily. And well, Seisa is not entirely sure either about how to get over denial quick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random information: I looked up how to overcome jealousy (So yes, you guys might have some of it in the next chapter). And someone spray cold water at me, there’s too much headcanon that this should be illegal. Anyway, there’s a reference to a scene in KimiUso, I just feel like putting it there. As always, thank you for reading!


	3. Two Sides

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aand, finally, chapter three is here! This ended up very long, but I always love reading long chapters and I always write what I would like to read, so here is a long chapter. By the way, this time there’s a scene based off Horimiya. And gee, writing multi-chapter fic is fun, but it takes a lot of time and energy.

Seisa has never been in jealousy before. At least, though that might be her own pride speaking. But if she recalled again, she has never been in it—the person that makes her jealous right now _technically_ is Kyoma, which makes him has the highest chance to make her jealous too before, but there has never been anything that would make her jealous or anything like that. Jealous’ kinder little brother, envy, yes, but just a little and once in a while back then, because Kyoma has always been there for her, reminding her she’s not entirely alone.

So now she has two things need to be done soon: admitting that she’s jealous, and knowing how to handle it.

She spent a few days brushing it off because Eruna didn’t know the entire detail and convincing herself that she might be wrong—maybe Seisa is _not_ jealous, and spend some more days having an intense internal debate about is it true or not. In the end, Seisa gave up and decided to pay no heed to it anymore, but she still needs Eruna, so when she followed her the other day around, she ended up in front of the Art Club.

She instinctively hid without even knowing why as Eruna knocked on the door loudly and Bimii telling her she might disturb them. Not too long after that, there’s a clicking sound, and the door creaked open, Seisa could hear Kyoma scolding Eruna and is not in his best mood—almost like usual. She didn’t know what to do, she can opt to walk in like there’s nothing and ask Eruna to talk to her, (( _forcefully_ )) dragging her away from Kyoma, but she doesn’t want to see Kyoma right now either.

Decided to peek, Seisa used the front camera on her phone instead of directly doing it, she didn’t want to risk in getting caught, no matter how stalker-y this is getting. She can see Eruna excitedly showing a paper to Kyoma, and as he glared at her, he pinched her. A stutter of apology soon leaves Eruna’s mouth, still in being pinched position, asking Kyoma to stop. After a few more good second, although just a bit, Seisa can see it, Kyoma smiled and told her “to do it properly.”      

Seisa finally decides that yes, she is jealous.

:::

After wasting a good amount of time looking up how to overcome jealousy, Seisa also decides that these kind of tips doesn’t really work. At least not to her. Most of the tips are offered to those who are in a relationship, and what are hers and Kyoma even? They’re not going out, they don’t have any special relationship but being childhood friends and there’s to that, Seisa think they can’t even be officially called friends now. Then she looked up about how to overcome jealousy for friends, but what she got was for situation where your friend is pretty and always gets all the guys—seriously, _that has never been the case_.

Well, it would be handy if it was the case, she can read and follow the guide, and then done! Problem solved. Hopefully. But in the end of the day, Kyoma is not the popular, pretty and friendly girl everyone wants to befriend with, and Seisa is not the shy, introverted and quiet girl not many people knows, and it solves nothing.

So finally, a week after her chat with Eruna, Seisa still hasn’t done anything to fix jealousy. Not that she intended to do anything about it anymore, though. She decided that maybe, if she could come to accept Kyoma and Eruna being together, then all those annoying feeling would go too, and childhood friends mean pretty much nothing by now. After that, she nearly ran into a wall.

That afternoon, the sky darkened and grey clouds hooded the sky, then rain finally poured down and Seisa regretted her decision going to school already, she should’ve skipped. She isn’t in a good mood, and her body feels a little sore, maybe because she slept too much the day before. She walked around, looking for Kurumi and maybe if she had any spare umbrella, but the staff room is empty already, so she decided to text her while walking back to her classroom. Soon enough, a reply came from her, saying she doesn’t have any but Seisa can use her umbrella while Kurumi would wait until the rain stopped.

Seisa isn’t some kind of selfish young lady that is willing to make her servant have to go through things like that just because her servant is doing that out of her own loyalty, or whatever the reason is, so she told her that she’ll be fine and she lied about someone has a spare umbrella and just lent her one, so Kurumi can go home. And then, Seisa sat down questioning herself what should she do now.

Waiting for the rain to stop, of course, but she can’t possibly sit down and do nothing. And it’s getting colder by each second passing, so maybe she should get somewhere warm too, maybe. She knows that the weather may actually not be _that_ cold, but she gets sick too easy. She sighed, memories flooding in and telling her why, and finally Seisa exited her classroom, walking down the empty hallway. Maybe she could go to the library and see if she can find anything interesting there. Instead, she met Shigure in the library.

He greeted her first politely, and the same smile he has been flashing since they were freshmen is still there. Such a bright smile in a cold weather like this. Seisa nodded, replying the greeting. “You’re not going home yet?”

“I forgot my umbrella,” And just now she noticed how the library is as cold as her classroom, even colder, perhaps. It was a terrible idea to begin with.

“I see,” Shigure briefly examined her just when Seisa was about to move to one of the section, “Are you cold?”

“What?” Seisa raised her eyebrow, but Shigure took his own coat without saying anything, “Here,” He added without answering Seisa’s question, “You can wear mine’s for the time being.”

Seisa scanned Shigure’s coat just momentarily, and then between two decisions she shook her head. “Thank you, but I’ll pass. You should save this kind of opportunity for your beloved cousin.”

“Oh, her? You know that she would downright reject me, right?” They chuckled, Seisa still remembered how cold Eruna usually is around him, and Shigure offered it again. “No, really, just use it. You had a bad physical condition.”

Seisa finally agreed, although she reluctantly wore it, it was weird. She can’t believe he managed to talk her into this. Wearing a jacket over another? Or technically, wearing a coat over a jacket? And it was too big, because Shigure is almost 20 centimeters over her. “Thank you,” she finally said, rolling the sleeves up and Shigure only nodded as the response. “I’ll return it to you tomorrow.”

Just after around ten minutes spent in the library, Seisa decided to leave, there’s no book picked her interest and she’s getting a little thirsty, she wanted to get something. There’s almost no one left at the school, much to her dismay because she hoped there will be other unlucky students trapped. School in the evening is weird, she decides. In the morning, students packed over here and there, noisy and crowded. Even if you walk during any period down the hallway just to go to the toilet or skipping class, or maybe some other reason, you can still sense that there are people there. It feels alive, it feels like how it should be.

The academy in the evening, or to be more specific, after everyone either went to their respective club or dorm, is much more silent. And yes, if you walk around during any period the hallway is going to be as silent as this, but something feels off. It’s getting a little too unnerving sometimes, nothing like how it used to be or how it should be. At least the noise of the rain falling is making it less tense than how it originally is.

And then right after that, she bumped into someone. She can hear whoever she bumped into is hissing.

“I’m sorry—oh…” It was Kyoma. Seisa nearly took three steps back, turned and then run as if she just saw ghost, but at the same time, there’s no point in doing it either, so in the end she opted to greet him. Kyoma didn’t greet back, he frowned at her instead. She almost asked him while staring back, but upon noticing what he was about to say, “This?” She pointed to the coat, ”Shigure-san lent it to me.”

He only stared at her while seemed to be briefly thinking before saying something. “Take it off.”

Seisa’s eyes to widen, he told her to _what_? “Take the coat off, just wear mine.”

 _Oh_ , silly her for thinking something else, and his misleading way of talking.

She could reject his offer, she could even tease him about he sounded like a pervert, which sounds very tempting right now, or simply asking him why he offered his, but Seisa finally chose not to and only obediently taking off the coat before folding it. Kyoma is just a cm different from Shigure, and there will barely any difference from wearing Shigure’s coat, but Seisa has to be honest about two things: Shigure’s long coat is uncomfortable to her, while his jacket sounds a lot more comfy.

“I’ll return that to him,” Kyoma said as he took the coat from her hand, and gave Seisa his jacket. “And this is because his fans are troublesome, in case you get the wrong idea,” he added.

 _I’m not sure about that_ , Seisa thought and chuckled, noticing the same amount of worry he had about her just like years ago. It was nice, to have him worrying about her again, he is still not honest with his true intention although he isn’t as awkward as he is years ago, but it doesn’t matter, it’s still enough to make her happy. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, and you’re not home yet? I thought Going Home Club specializes in going home early?”

“It’s raining,” she started to play with the hem of his jacket, just like what she thought, it was comfortable. It makes her feel relaxed, somehow secure too, and she doesn’t bother rolling the sleeves up, she prefers it like that.

And she noticed his scent, too. She can smell paint, something that recently became familiar to her, but it was mixed up with something else too, something that smelled like home, something pleasant and sweet— _alright_ , she thought to herself, stopping herself from thinking anything further. That sounds awfully a lot like shoujo manga or those romance dramas playing on TV night slots, even if not, totally cheesy, and she totally sounds like a lovesick teenager. Why she doesn’t even notice the one on Shigure’s? _Definitely not because she was busy looking for books, right?_

“Wait here, I’ll grab my bag so I can walk you home.”

Oh, she pondered again on what to do. There’s still a chance for her to tease him, this time getting him back for the Going Home Club earlier, and yet, abruptly enough, the idea of having him walk her home sounded turned from something uninteresting into something nice. And much more interesting than teasing him. And _maybe_ , she can get a chance to talk more properly to him. “No, I wanted to see your classroom, I’ll follow.”

“…Well, if that what you want, sure.”

Even so, Seisa doesn’t entirely get what he meant with him willing to walk her home, are they going to share an umbrella like in those cheap romance movies, or maybe he has a spare, or something else, like maybe he’s walking with rain pouring down on him and she walked with umbrella? _Stop joking around_ , she hissed to herself, there’s too much thing going on in a day and she isn’t sure about how to deal with it. For one thing, though, sharing umbrella sounds a little… Embarrassing. Actually, no, she takes it back, it’s going to be _very_ embarrassing. At least if she could arrive home high and dry, then it would be okay. And Kurumi couldn’t protest either, because he helped her.

Just right after they arrived in front of his classroom, Seisa noticed him slightly shivering. “You’re cold too.”

“That has nothing to do with you.”

“The member of the Manga Research Society have nothing to do with you either. Here, you should wear your own—”

“Nah, I’ll wear his.” Kyoma replied as he opened Shigure’s coat to put it on, and Seisa really thought he was joking but he wasn’t, although it he stopped halfway to frown again, muttering something about ‘I still don’t understand why he chooses this over jacket’, before finally putting it on and slides the classroom door open.

There is barely any difference with her classroom, Seisa noticed, or supposedly, any other classroom in general. There _is_ a different feel, but it’s just simply felt unfamiliar to her, and not anything else. Not the kind of feel like tension or serious generally the typically third-years in high schools have. She isn’t surprised, after all Mikagura Academy is not even a normal school, the students are not going to do some things normal students do in general like putting something like posters or random things on the back of the classroom.

She briefly mused on what would happen if she never entered there in the first place, and that accident never happened. …Maybe she’ll never see Kyoma ever again. Maybe she won’t have to feel jealous. Maybe. But maybe, no matter how stupid it sounds, she’ll never get the chance to wear his jacket, or feeling happy just from mere things like greeting him. Or wearing his jacket.

“Seisa?” She looks up hearing her name, and she just realized being in her reverie for too long. Kyoma already stood in front of her, even a little bit too close to her, “Are you okay?”

 _He’s worried_ , she keeps telling herself, although she leaned back a little, not used at all with the sudden proximity. And there are a lot of things popping inside her head right now, like how Kurumi might be watching this just like last time, and how dead he is. How can he cannot tell that he’s just inches away from death, especially for the second time? She considered hitting him square in the face for being too close, but scrapped it. “Me? Of course.”

However, Kyoma leaned closer instead, even placing his hand on her forehead, “Are you sick?”

She wanted to turn her head and looks away, feeling embarrassed with the close proximity and her cheeks got very warm now. And her forehead, too. She noticed how despite the cold weather, his hand is still warm. Maybe it’s because of him. Yes, definitely because of him.

It’s quite unfair, because her hands are really cold right now, but just how can he keep his hands temperature like that? Oh, _right_. She can placed her hands on his cheek again, like that one time years ago. That would break the tense and she can get away from this, right? Kyoma’s eyes are still on her, though, and she can hear his breath. This is starting to make her feel a little bit dizzy… for some obvious reasons, but must be unobvious to him. _Idiot_. Well. If she’s really sick, she knows who to blame. “No, I think I’m fine.”

And just for a moment, she can see it, his eyes shined just like how it used to, the same light, but before she can even confirm it she realized something more important right now: her face is really close to him now. Too close. _Woah_. Suddenly, as if her brain decided now is the good time to stop working, her mind blanked out and she keeps yelling to move, but her body wouldn’t budge, she felt like her body froze in place.

Between her panicking that this is happening for _real_ , as well as her yelling to move, hit his chin or anything, just do something, although she didn’t know why, she hoped time would stop in place too, that would be convenient. That would be very nice.

Her heart slowly beats loud and louder each time Kyoma gets closer to her, it’s louder than the rain outside now that she was sure he can hear it too, maybe, that is if his own doesn’t beat as hard as hers. And in all honesty, she really hoped that his heart would beat as hard as hers, not only because she didn’t want him to hear hers, but she can’t be the only one feeling like this, _right_? She can’t be the one who is nervous and feeling jittery like this, right? Seisa was so close to leaning in too, close to tiptoeing and placed her hands on his shoulder to balance. She started to get impatient and expectation still resting in the same place where it was moments ago.

It was instinctively done, really, she just felt like doing it, of closing her eyes, maybe that could help to give him some confidence and an extra needed push. Aafter that all she could feel was his lips on her, so gentle and so careful, sloppy even, but then it’s over, just like that, in a flash. It was short, it was barely anything, maybe like lips simply brushing, but now it’s almost like everything to her. And even if it’s nothing special like how those movies exaggerating it, there’s no majestic sky, any glorious sunset or beautiful scenery in the night with lights of the city behind them, or the light of the moon shone on them, it still means something.

Seisa opened her eyes, flustered and a little bit more than glad to see Kyoma is equally flushed. Her whole face felt hot, and she still could barely register anything. At least she’s not the only one with blood rushing to head. They didn’t say anything to each other except Kyoma muttering tiny “Sorry,”, leaving her mind tried to boot up and process whatever just happened, but strange enough, her heart managed to calm down and only the pitter-patter of the rain outside filled the room, echoed inside. Then, just then, it hits her.

 _That wasn’t supposed to happen_.

Realization hits her, small part of her brain finally processed it, “Excuse me,” Seisa turned and exited the classroom. _That can’t be_ , it keeps repeating in her head, and soon, soon enough small steps turned into larger steps, she tried to skip down the steps, and she knew it’s not very good for her body, and she might slipped down the stair like last time, but she still did so and naturally, larger steps turned into a dash. Seisa ran as fast as she could, her mind foggy and messy, filled with questions of _what_ , _why_ and _is it okay?_

He should’ve done that to someone else… Someone else other than her, right? Why he did it to her? Does that mean something, or he didn’t plan that, maybe not even see it coming? Could it be it happened just because the timing was right? And did he do that to someone else too, treating her just sweetly and kindly, maybe to _her_? Seisa’s heart ached already just from thinking about that. No, it can’t be. Kyoma is not someone like that, she convinced herself. He has never been, and hopefully, never will. _What a wishful thinking_.

But more importantly, it was so weird, you’re _so_ weird, she keep telling herself, because she knew she was expecting it, even, she was _hoping_ for it, and she bites her lip, her heart throbbing and still desperately trying to process the remaining question of what just happened. She even almost tiptoed, and she closed her eyes, as if letting him to, giving him the permission. Is it okay for her hoping her childhood friend would kiss her? Is it normal for them to actually do that? Do other people hope these kind of things, too? Do other people with childhood friends hoped for that too?

At the same time, her own reasoning told her that it’s something common overseas, people kiss each other as a form of greeting even, so yes, it should be fine, it should be _fine_. Strangers do that, friends, relatives and acquaintances do that, so childhood friends can do that too. There is no specific meaning behind that, that or maybe the situation is just too fitting that it happened, but nothing else. Why she hoped that there’s actually something else, she doesn’t want to know. Seisa feels it’s wrong and yet, it’s right.

 _But this is Japan, not some random country miles away where everyone probably did that to each other_.

Her feet lead her back to her classroom, and Seisa just remembered she left her bag there because it would be heavy to carry it everywhere. She slides the door open, trotted to her seat to grab it. Her breath is still ragged, shallow because she ran earlier, and she patiently waits it to calm down as she sat down, listening to the rain’s pitter patter outside. It was so calming, but no matter how calming it is, it still can’t relax her mind, she’s still busy thinking.

What now? She can’t return to the mansion without umbrella, nor risking her health and go for it—letting the rain soaking her, but she can’t possibly return to Kyoma’s classroom either, and acted as if nothing happened and let him walk her home. _Something_ just happened. Kyoma can’t act like there’s nothing happened either, right? And even if Seisa has to, not now, not when she knew she can’t, not when her cheek is still hot, just like her forehead, just where he touched her earlier.

A few more things added to Seisa’s list of Something I Have To Eventually Deal With: that accident, _Kyoma_ , strange, intangible feeling replacing the expectation that rested on her chest just now, the questions that wouldn’t stop appearing and bugging her, what is okay and not okay for childhood friends to do, what is beyond the limits and not, and the jealousy still loyally waiting on the top of the list minutes ago, maybe, either fell crashing down to the bottom of the list, or just faded without any trace left, together with the rain. The latter would be nice, one more thing she has to deal with disappeared off the list.

Seisa played with her braid, contemplating on whether to call Kurumi and ask her to pick her up, or maybe still insisting on waiting the rain stopped. She has a lot of things she has to think about anyway, all the free time she had may just be enough. But finally, much to her chagrin, the cold evening rain stopped, and almost immediately the sky cleared up. Now Seisa doesn’t have any free time to think.

Oh, _youth_.

:::

When the next week rolled in, Seisa continued her routine she dropped not too long ago, the one she called Avoiding Kuzuryuu Kyoma to Avoid Unnecessarily Awkward Situation, and every time she sat down next to Eruna, she keeps praying for some courage she cannot get when it comes to talk her situation out, and the chance to stop Eruna from leaving every time she finished talking and waving to her before wandering around the school with Bimii again.

It’s finally Thursday, which means it’s been six days since The Day Where That Thing Happened, the day where it rains on the evening and making Seisa for the first time in years, could barely sleep, an activity she particularly enjoyed the most. Most of her time awake is spent with her constantly reminded of the accident, and her trying too hard distracting her mind, and it gets even harder when she lies on her bed and hoping something appeared in her mind and helps her sleep. On the third day Seisa tried counting sheep, but the second sheep turned into Kyoma and when she realized it, she counted fifty Kyomas already.

Just the fourth day, her morning started with hearing the students she passed in the hall chattering something close to “ _I saw Kuzuruyuu-senpai returning Ninomiya-senpai’s coat this morning!_ ” and mostly the reaction was them gasping and “ _What?! Could it be—_ ” and some random to wild ~~imagination~~ prediction inserted. She feels a little sorry because she knows Shigure must be surprised seeing Kyoma is the one giving him his coat instead of her. And yet, Seisa also feel satisfied because weird rumor may spread and students may get the wrong idea, but Kyoma gets the payback for what he did. Then she wondered whether Kyoma told Shigure about what happened or not. Maybe not. …Did he tell what he did to her, too? _Please not_.

Boys are still quite much like girls when it comes to these kind of things, right? Just like how Eruna came up to her and tell her everything, close friends does that. Childhood friends do that too, right? Maybe. Well, in her case, not at all. Boys may not go in depth just like Eruna did, maybe personality factor or importance factor, but they still share things like that… At least they share things that trouble them. And if he didn’t do that, Seisa doesn’t know should she be glad or not, because their… uh, secret accident, is safe, but then that means it doesn’t trouble him.

_Is he used to do things like that?_

Of course not, right? She tried to convince herself. Seisa doesn’t want to recall too much of the whole accident, it was too embarrassing and she might dig a hole and enter it if someone bring it up, but thank god only her and Kyoma knows about this, and she has been avoiding him nearly the whole week, so the only person could bring this up is she herself. And sometimes Seisa would slap herself, even in the middle of the class, if she was reminded. Most of the time she keeps running into people though, so mentally reprimanding herself after apologizing to whoever that unlucky person is more than enough.

On the other hand, Seisa is still avoiding him until this very second, so although his jacket is now clean and tidy, inside a paper bag with a card saying thank you, ready to be returned to the owner, it’s still sitting on the top of her desk, soon enough it will start collecting dust. Seisa doesn’t know how many jackets he had, but she decided that if he’s willing to lend one to her as well as doing _that_ to her while he’s at it, then he should be ready for the possibility of never seeing his jacket back, ever. He should even be ready for the possibility of having Kurumi chasing him down the dormitories and probably could never live to see another rising sun again. And talking about Kurumi, thankfully, Kurumi stopped asking about it since yesterday, mostly because Seisa only replied with short and vague answers.

Friday finally arrived, and Seisa decided that she _must_ talk to Eruna regarding the accident, no matter what, even with convoluted feelings, so when Eruna cheerfully runs into her, both of her hands waving, Seisa told her to sit down and starts it with telling her to listen, she had something to ask again. Eruna is always glad to help, and she almost starts imagining it would be a confession but Bimii stopped her, just like usual. This time though, while feeling a little sorry, Seisa asked him to leave, and she’s grateful because Bimii only leaves without asking.

“This is about the person I told you last time,” she explained, and Eruna nodded, indicating that she still remembered it. “So, just a few days ago, B kissed A. What do you think that should mean?”

“What? Well… That makes him a jerk, I guess?”

Seisa nearly fell from the bench laughing. She still believed that he’s still good-hearted like he used to be, but he deserved that for what he did last time. Some part of her is happy because it happened, yet another part is mad at him, and the other remaining part is mad at herself for feeling happy that it happened.

“But senpai, listen!” Eruna waved her hands, probably flustered because Seisa is holding her laughter, “He is possibly interested in C, and yet he kissed A! That would make him one, right?”

“Yes, I suppose you’re right. Sorry, I just find it funny, somehow.”

“Though it doesn’t necessarily means that he is one though… There’s still a possibility that he actually likes A…”

Now it’s not funny anymore.

“Really?” Seisa tried her best to hides her surprise, “But I think he did it more because the situation is fitting… They were alone in a class.”

“I guess we can just take he’s a jerk then,” Eruna pondered, and suddenly exclaiming a very loud, “Anyway!” She turned at her, seeming excited again, and Seisa braced herself for dozens of Eruna’s stories again. She still finds it a little annoying, loud yelling and excited, sudden exclamation here and there, and maybe love and peace would beam out of her eyes anytime soon, but she supposes that would be seen as something cute for boys—and she were kind, too. It would be natural for him if he actually took an interest in her, right?

—There she is, thinking unnecessary things again. Seisa almost slapped her cheeks.

“Senpai, listen! I visited Calligraphy Club again today! Himi-chan is still cute as usual, although Nebukuro-chan this time managed to stop me from doing that!” While there Eruna is, talking in the same cheerful manner she had, and she was sure she had heard about this “Nebukuro-chan” before… who was she again? Katai Meika? There are a lot of first years this year.

Seisa unconsciously smiled listening to her talking, and Eruna almost falling down to the ground because moving and posing too much to show what Shigure did to her during the break, and she giggled at what she said once in a while, and Eruna moved to something else, “I also met Enoyan-senpai! Actually, yesterday, after talking to you I met him too, and he offered me milk for no reason! I still rejected it though, tee hee! I found it weird that he agreed to buy me something else. Today he asked me to meet him at the rooftop, Monday after school! I wonder what he wants to say.”

Her good mood ruined faster than she’d thought.

“…Oh, wait, could it be that it’s a confession?! But but!! I had you, Seisa-senpai! I will reject him, don’t worry!” Eruna blinked at her, but all Seisa had in mind was, _what if it’s a confession_? There are a lot of things possible happening, and she considered a lot of it, but obviously, confession is not included. What if he’s going to confess? Eruna talked like she is not interested in him at all, but she helped him, she’s willing to go around with him, she let him painted her—she did a lot of things together with him.

Are they going to be together? _But you said they’re a cute couple_. Then Eruna will accept him? _Most likely_. Are they going to hold hands at school or something? Going home together? Going on dates? …Kissing? Even farther than that, maybe? And she, she will has to listen to things they did together, and possibly see them too? Is this for real? That just doesn’t make sense to her. _Kyoma_?

“Seisa-senpai?” When she was snapped out of her musings, Eruna is in front of her, and she realized that she did it again, thinking too much, not only that, _Oh, this has happened before, hasn’t it_? It feels déjà vu, like, like—“Uwah!”

She reflectively pushed her. Eruna loses her balance and fell to the ground, and what first entered her mind is a loud yelling because it was something that she should’ve done last week, not now, and instead of letting him leans closer with that—with whatever that is in her chest, making her staying still and ended up avoiding him the whole week, making what she desperately wants—talking normally to him—just vanished, out of sight, doesn’t sound possible anymore.

“O—oh, I’m sorry, lately I feel a little bit uncomfortable if someone gets too close—“ Ah. Crap. She slipped.She realized it, doesn’t she? She must’ve known.Right? _Too late_. She quickly gets up and approached her, stretched her hand, “Sorry.”

Instead, Eruna stared at her, as if thinking something deeply, before finally reaching her hand to stand up, “Thank you. But it would be a little bit scary, wouldn’t it? I think.”

Seisa looks back at her, confused, and Eruna opened her mouth again, adding something else. “Dating Kyoma-senpai, I mean. He’s scary.” Oh. She changed the way she called him. At least Eruna is distracted.

“Ah, his appearance is indeed causing misunderstanding, but he’s not scary as you think. He’s kind, even.”

Eruna didn’t say anything again, only stared at her again, but suddenly smiled. A little off. Her smile is a little off. Something is not right. She noticed it for real? Or not? Could it be that she is planning something?

“Senpai, I never see you talk to him before, but you’ve said that twice… It’s a little weird, isn’t it?”

Seisa tried her best to not give her the oh-really-but-that’s-none-of-your-business-though-so-shut-your-mouth look mostly because _that’s not what ladies do_ , her mother often teach her, _such attitude should be avoided no matter how much you are annoyed_ , and because technically, Eruna did nothing wrong. So instead, she gave her a rest assuring smile instead. “We have talked to each other a few times before.”

“Is that so? I see.” Eruna only nods, and she’s still smiling, now she called it The Mischievous Smile, and it seems like growing wider by each second. She should’ve told her directly to _shut up_.

:::

The next week rolled in again, and now it’s been officially twelve days since The Day Where That Thing Happened. Seisa is really glad because Eruna didn’t say anything about whatever happened in Friday, and today, hopefully she will tell her something or anything about what Kyoma said to her in Monday. Bimii is the one who appeared, though, and told her to go to the staff room. She followed him, and on one of the table was a white blank envelope. Bimii told her it was for her, and it’s up to her to use it or not, she may give it to someone else or even throw it away. Bimii just told her it’s a gift because she seemed to be stressed and skipping too often lately.

She opened the envelope, and there were four papers inside. Four free tickets to the amusement park. And there were a letter inside from her grandmother. Kurumi must’ve gone too far and do something unnecessary. Or maybe Bimii. Or even Eruna, although she thinks it shouldn’t be that easy to meet her, and her grandmother wouldn’t trust someone that easy, right? Eruna is easily an exception though, thanks to her power, just like her. And those free tickets are just one of the examples.

Just what should she do with the four of those? She wouldn’t even use one.

Seisa prefer sleeping over everything, especially right now, and she can throw it, but when she walks Eruna ran to her from behind, yelling a loud “Seisa-senpai!” and told her she wants to talk about something urgent. Seisa followed, and they ended up in the library because it was just like usual, silent and no one is there. Eruna took a deep breath, “Kyoma-senpai confessed to me.”

If she was drinking, Seisa must’ve spitted it out, or choked on it and busy coughing right now. And then she would ask “What?” rhetorically, and Eruna would still repeat it even if it’s a rhetorical question. She wasn’t though, so she only did the “What?” part, half couldn’t believe it, and half surprised. And of course, Eruna repeats it.

Seisa doesn’t know what to say, she’s too shocked that words wouldn’t form in her mouth, but she still forces it. “What is your response?” The basic reaction.

“I… I told him I can’t answer now.”

Just for a moment, Seisa really wants to think that it was a lie, maybe today is 1st April and Eruna and everyone are pulling a prank, or today doesn’t have to be April Fool, and Eruna can still lie to her, but she seemed flustered, and starts fiddling her fingers, too. It just seemed too genuine that it’s hard to tell your mind into believing it’s a lie, because it’s possibly not, especially because you’d rarely see Eruna like this. _Is she…?_

“When do you plan to give him the answer?”

“I don’t know,” she shook her head, “I don’t even know about my own feelings.”

Ah. She knows now. Eruna definitely needs those tickets a lot more than her, doesn’t she? Seisa sleeps a lot, a lot of time because she just wants to, and once in a while because she’s stressed, so she doesn’t need any ticket to go to amusement park. But Eruna? She can go on a date with him, confirm her feelings and gave him her answer.

And because the ticket can be used so long as they’re students in the academy, she can still use the remaining two for another date whenever they want—now she doesn’t have to throw it away, and those tickets can serve the purpose it meant to. So Seisa reached it out, and gave it to her, telling her that she could go on a ‘date’ to find out her feelings, and she can do whatever she wants with the remaining two.

But Eruna shook her head again, “No, senpai, please go too. I’m scared if I have to be alone, just with him.”

It’s going a little far than she originally planned. And yet, she’s a little happy because she could go to amusement park with him— _no_ , it was so Eruna can confirm her feeling, and that means, Eruna has to be around him the most. So with conflicted feelings, Seisa finally takes one of the tickets, and Eruna told her she will invite one more person to go, and they’re going to be all set for a double date.

:::

Seisa skipped school on Thursday and Friday, she just realized how much of a bad idea going on a double date is—especially because the fact that there’s a high chance Kyoma and Eruna will be _very_ close, Eruna is too dense and if she realized early her feelings, then just in the middle of the date she’ll accept him and then who knows, maybe they’ll even share a parfait and drink those fancy drinks for couples with the connected straw where you’re going to be very close with each other when drinking it.

And Seisa is going to watch it all if she’s unlucky, but if whoever her partner is in the blind date can read the situation then they will separate, and Seisa can fake feeling unwell then goes home early. After that, she can text Eruna to apologize and ask her what happened that night or the next day. Sounds like a plan, she thought, and then a text came from Eruna, telling her to meet in front of the East Gate at ten.

Saturday arrived faster than she expected, and thirteen hours passed in what seemingly like three hours. Seisa considered to not coming at all, but after her breakfast she finally forces herself to wear something proper, and not too fancy or even gaudy either, because Eruna should be the main focus, and if she were to put it in stage terms, Eruna is the main actress and she’s just a side character. Supposedly. Seisa debates because just like most of girls around her age, she had a lot of cute clothes stored in her wardrobe and she never had the chance to wear it before.

And well, girls just want to look nice in front of someone they like, you know?

But nah, that thought definitely never crossed Seisa’s mind.

Seisa arrived at the gate fifteen minutes early, near the huge clock located right in front of the East Gate, and she tried to stay calm, but she has sent three messages in the past hour and Eruna hasn’t read any of it yet, let alone replying to it. _Odd_ , she thinks, because usually it’s Eruna who sent three messages and she sent one back. She checked the gate’s name again, and it’s still the East Gate, then she checked the hour and five minutes left, but there’s still no sign of Eruna coming.

There weren’t much people coming either that day, but it’s still morning so maybe it’s because of their club activities. Facilities inside the school ground gets crowded when it’s past 1 in the afternoon because even in holiday, just like how other clubs in schools generally, a lot of clubs still had activities and students can only go after that.

When she looks around again, she saw Kyoma running into her. His breath is ragged, but between it he still tried to apologize for being late, and asking where the others are. Seisa shrugged, and they waited until it was twenty past ten, and no one arrived but a message from Eruna.

[ _Senpai, I’m sorry but I didn’t feel well so I’m not coming. Your partner apparently has a sudden important business he has to take care of, so he has to cancel it too. Ah, but Enoyan-senpai is there, right? Have fun, you two._ _☆_ _(_ _・ω_ _< )_]

She nearly threw her phone to the ground, but Kyoma gave her a weird look, so she resisted the urge and placed it back to her handbag. _Now is not the time_ , but Seisa cannot help but sensing something off. As if this had been planned all along by Eruna. It sounded silly, sure, but if she doesn’t feel well, then Eruna could’ve texted her sooner, they can cancel the plan and pushed it back to the next week, but here she is now—in front of the East Gate with Kyoma, and that can’t possibly a coincidence, can it? What on earth is she planning?

“Oh,” Kyoma checked his phone before putting it back into his pocket, “Eruna’s not coming.”

“Yes. Should we cancel today’s plan and wait until she feels better instead?”

“Huh? But why don’t we enter now that we’re here?”

 _Because the one who is supposedly going on a date with you is her, not me_ , Seisa replied inside her head but keeps it to herself. That sounds tempting, really, and she finally gets the chance to talk properly to him after a while. After that accident on a rainy evening. “Well?” He asked again, and although a small part of her heart felt guilty and yelled at her to reject it, she found herself nodding.

:::

It started out fun, what Seisa unwillingly admit as a date, and while they started with relatively relaxed attraction at first, soon enough she found herself getting carried away, and keep challenging random attraction to each other, ranging from relatively embarrassing attraction like teacups (which is filled with couples left and right), to general attraction like haunted house. Seisa isn’t really scared of things like ghosts and anything supernatural like that nor that she believes in it, and it might be her imagination, but she thinks she can feel Kyoma slightly shaking.

“Are you scared?,” she whispered, and it was dark so she can’t see anything, but she can tell Kyoma is sending her sharp look and hissed back at her, “I’m not.”

Seisa didn’t reply, and they kept walking until something jumped at them and Kyoma bumped into her. This time she tried really hard to hold her laughter, and Kyoma hissed at her again, warning her to not laugh at him. Seisa feels a little sorry at him, and although it was hard to see she tried to find his fingers, and casually tangled it around him. They didn’t say anything to each other until the end of the walk, but Kyoma tightened his grip once in a while at something particularly scary.

She burst out laughing once they’re outside, and lets their hand go. Kyoma doesn’t seem particularly happy with that, so he looks around, and when his eyes landed on something he’s sure could get her back, he turned back to her. “Roller coaster,” he challenged, and this time Seisa can feel her hands turning a little cold. Sure, she is good with paranormal or occult things, but she has never been very well at gravity rides or rides with rather high speed like that. Especially roller coaster.

But Kyoma’s face is getting smug by each second, although it might be because she was thinking too much. And although Seisa has never lost and wanted to find someone on her level, it’s on a completely different context compared to _this_. And definitely not to him, him and his smug face. _Damn childhood friend_ , she silently cursed again for the second time in the past few months, as she nodded, “Fine,” she replied.

Each step she took as they get closer with their turn starting to feel like it was her turn soon for public execution. Death sentence now sounds better than that, at least it’s not as much as humiliating as it is. And unfortunately enough that Saturday happen to not be very crowded, making them moving rather fast, and now Seisa is already sitting in the train, mouthing silent prayers.

Kyoma who sat beside her seemed to be extremely enjoying it, but during the whole ride Seisa can barely remember what’s going on, everything is so fast and blurry, she doesn’t even think she screamed and nearly passed out halfway through the ride. When they finally get down, she almost can feel energy bursting out of him which is completely unlike how he usually is, and maybe Eruna slowly rubbed off on him.

Seisa cannot even think about how Eruna probably changed Kyoma a lot, her head is dizzy and she can’t walk without feeling like vomiting every three seconds, but she can’t tell Kyoma how she felt either because that means she lost. And Kyoma being extremely happy despite not showing it is _rare_. She ended up clinging into Kyoma without saying anything while letting him nearly dragged her for another ride, but when she can hear it started to get silent, she opened her eyes, and they were in a park instead.

“Sit here,” he said as he gestured to a bench, and Seisa nearly protested but she finally sat down, waiting the giddy feeling died down. Soon enough, Kyoma returns with something in his hand, and it was a bright afternoon while she sat under the shade, so she can’t tell what it is. He sat beside her, “Here, get some rest.”

Seisa doesn’t understand what he meant by that at first, and she almost asked back but Kyoma pulled her into his shoulder instead and her whole body instantly stiffened, suddenly all the remaining energy in her body to protest disappeared. She still forced her lips to move. “What are you doing?!”

“Making you get some rest, now be quiet.”

Finally she gave up, and despite the awkward position, she managed to relax and closed her eyes, the dizziness slowly died down. Although she admitted it was a comfortable silence, the shade, the cool air and the warm weather reminds her a lot of things. And maybe he too. Hopefully.

“Do you remember?” Seisa mumbled, slowly getting a little sleepy. “That spring when we were eight. I made a flower crown for you, and then I taught you to make one.”

Kyoma didn’t reply at all at first, but when Seisa was about to add something else, he finally replied. “Yeah, now rest.” He covered her eyelids for whatever reason it is, maybe a stupid gesture to tell her to be quiet, and she reflectively grabbed his hand, protesting, “I told you to rest.” She finally stopped in defeat.

A few more minutes passed and guilt slowly gathers because now they have to sit down because of her. Seisa could hear the sound of plastic ripped, and she guessed what he carried earlier was milk. “…I’m sorry for troubling you.”

Kyoma didn’t say anything, and she can feel he lifted his hand instead, “It’s my fault for dragging you there in the first place.”

“But—” “Now, _rest_.”

She would like to, but her head doesn’t feel dizzy anymore, and there’s some more things slowly worry her: the possibility of any member of the Newspaper Club being there and took the photo of them because they’re running out of news. And then her grandmother or Kurumi saw it. _Or_ the possibility her grandmother sees them straight from the security cameras placed all over the academy. She isn’t sure which is more terrifying.

She didn’t tell Kurumi anything about her plans today and only told her that she will visit someone’s room, because Kurumi would definitely follow them if she knew, and maybe scares away whoever her partner is. It would be okay if the case was a double date, she could goes home early, but it changed and now, only God knows what she might do if she sees Kyoma dared touching her casually. And moreover, her heart that doesn’t seem planning to beat slower any time soon. Her face feels hot now, and she could only hope Kyoma doesn’t notice it.

:::

After a few more debates and convincing him that she’s completely fine, they walked around to get something to eat. Seisa saw a crepe stand and jokingly told him that he should get one, but unexpectedly Kyoma agreed after telling her to not scare the staff like last time she did. Seisa giggled, telling him she obviously wouldn’t—unless the ingredients is enough only to make one more crepe. Kyoma could only sigh.

Seisa ordered strawberry and mango special while Kyoma ordered strawberry with whipped cream and chocolate syrup, and this time the ingredients is more than enough to make two crepes, so Seisa didn’t get any chance to tease Kyoma. They found a nearby bench and Seisa started eating her crepe while still trying to find a chance to tease him, but she ended up sneaking peeks at his crepe instead, because Seisa never ate any chocolate-flavored crepe before and she is curious. And unfortunately enough, Kyoma noticed, before offering his.

She was reluctant at first, and especially because was caught by him, but finally accepted it before offering hers in exchange. _Kyoma always eat crepe messily_ , Seisa noted, seeing the whipped cream in the corner of his mouth and finding it amusing. Maybe it’s just because it’s hard to eat crepes with a lot (too much, actually) of whipped cream, but generally crepes had whipped cream, especially French-styled crepes like the ones they’re eating, and without whipped cream crepe is almost meaningless. When he caught her staring at him again, he grabbed her hand and took another bite from Seisa’s crepe. Seisa’s heart nearly burst out and she keeps teasing him about how he eats crepe to get him back.

It slowly gets more crowded in the evening, and they already ride most of the attraction around that time, so Seisa suggested to just took a walk around and see if they miss anything interesting. Near a flower bed next to a stoned path, Seisa saw a staff holding out something and when they approached the staff, they received a pamphlet, telling there will be a parade soon, just in the dusk, so they tried to find a good spot to watch it. Since they were late in knowing there will be a parade, normally all the good spots have been taken and it gets even more crowded, so just naturally, Kyoma held his hands out, Seisa reached it and she keeps telling herself again and again that he did it because he’s worried he might lose her in the crowds, and so does her.

Unexpectedly enough, Kyoma managed to find a good spot and they were busy catching their breathes when the parade started, and Seisa noticed that they’re still holding hands, but she didn’t say anything and silently hoping that they can hold hands for a little bit longer, although it sounds very selfish of her. Her friends might have mutual feelings for each other, but here she is, hoping that she can hold hands together for longer.

The music was loud, there were a lot of people and the weather isn’t exactly hot but it’s not cold either, but even so, Seisa still finds herself enjoying it. She never hated parades no matter how loud it is, maybe because she used to like them and looks forward it a lot since she was young. And when she looks at Kyoma, she noticed how it seems that he also enjoys it, and holds her hand tighter.

 _If only time would stop now_.

Of course time didn’t stop, the parade comes to an end and Kyoma finally realized he was holding Seisa’s hand, so he apologized as he let her hand go, and told her that it was crowded, so he just didn’t want to lose her in the crowds. Seisa only nodded without saying anything, his warmth still lingering in her hand and she can hear herself wanting for more, but she tried to keep herself in control and it was already dark before they realized it.

They walked back, and the lights in the park turned up, post lights lining in tidily line along the streets of the park. The lights in the attractions brightened too, lamps with various color decorating the rides here and there, and Seisa noticed how the park suddenly had a different atmosphere than it has just a few hours earlier. It’s still 6 PM and there’s still a few more hours before the park closed.

Too sad that they have to go back now, she thinks to herself as they walked pass the attractions they rode earlier. They can’t go home yet, because no matter how good that day is and no matter how much she enjoyed it, there’s something Seisa still needs to ask him. There are still some problems between them they need to solve. She hesitated at first, but finally stopped him and tells him that she wanted to ride the ferris wheel before going back.

Ferris wheel was in their definitely not riding list, mostly because it’s filled with couples left and right, and a lot of them casually displaying affection to each other in public (which Kyoma keeps commenting is disturbing), but Kyoma finally agreed to. There was already a lengthy line in front of them when they arrived, but they still gets in line and unexpectedly enough, the line was moving fast.

They didn’t say anything to each other, Seisa is busy with her mind, carefully arranging what she wanted to say. When it’s finally their turn, they still barely said anything to each other beside Kyoma telling her to be careful when she entered the gondola, and Kyoma only staring at the night sky outside, stars glimmering and Seisa quietly fiddling with her handbag as she gathered enough courage, and took a deep breath. She has to say it.

“Do you have anyone you like?”

Upon hearing that, Kyoma seemed to be flustered and slightly taken aback, “What?”

“Do you have anyone you like?” she repeats. She knows it’s almost like that time with Eruna, Kyoma would probably be too surprised to say anything and giving a rhetorical question to her. And she will still repeat it.

Today has been a very great day for her, and she still haven’t talk about anything to solve her problem with him, but she can finally hangs out together with him, spent time together like how they used to, and this might be her last chance. If he’s going to go out with Eruna, then obviously they’re not going to break up anytime soon, and even if they do, it’s not like she can hang out with him easily again—there’s just some things regarding this. There are just rules about this. And hanging out with your friend’s ex, especially not too long after their break up, no matter what sounded very rude.

And he will be graduating this year. Sure, there’s also chance of Eruna rejecting him, but it’s not like she can still ask him out easily unless there’s some kind of miracle helping—like this time, Eruna feeling unwell and cancelling the plan in the last moment. The next time they could go together may never came around again.

“It has nothing to do with you,” he finally answered.

Seisa bit her lips, he was right, it has nothing to do with her. Why she thinks he would answer that in the first place when they’re not even as close as they used to be? She was carried away, just because he keeps holding her hand and worried of her doesn’t mean anything is alright. She knew he wouldn’t answer what she asked next, but she still needs answer. “I knew you like Eruna, I also knew you confessed to her. Why you still kissed me that day?”

Kyoma turned at her, his eyes widened, “What—No, listen, I don’t like-” “I already knew your feelings,” Seisa cuts in, and she almost told herself to believe in him, because she desperately searches for the signs that he’s lying in his eyes, but she can tell that he’s telling the truth. Kyoma raised from his seat, approaching her and the gondola was moving, shaking, but Seisa still look at him, sharp in the eyes, “Listen, I think—”

“No, just tell me, why?!”

He grabbed Seisa’s hands, “ _Listen_ ,” but Seisa tried to break free, “No, don’t touch me, you pervert two-timer!”

Kyoma ignored her, and although Seisa still trying to break free, he leaned in instead, and the memories of two weeks ago flashed, Seisa remembered it was exactly like this, but her mind blanked out again, it always have been like that, and—

“I’m sorry to ruin your romantic moments, but this is the end of the ride.”

There’s a sound of the door opened, a staff seemed to be used with something like that waiting outside, and it stops Kyoma who is just almost three centimeters away from Seisa. She once again felt another rush of strange feelings like last week, this time part of her is glad that they were stopped, but the other part is not, not at all. They flushed, but Kyoma didn’t say anything and pulled Seisa’s hand instead, almost literally dragging her outside and she keeps telling him to stop, but he didn’t stop at all.

Finally, he stopped in a park. There was barely any people there, “Sorry,” he said as he loosened his grip on her hand. “We have to make this clear, and you have to listen to me. You have to trust me.“

“Let me go first.”

“No, I know you’ll run away. Please, Mikagura.”

Seisa wanted to protest so much, she slowly finds his warmth puts her at ease and she likes to tangled her hands with his, she slowly finds his presence too comforting just like how they used to be, she slowly feels like being at home again, no longer lost and now safe, secured and assured. And yet, with all these feelings filling her like that, it just sounded unfamiliar, him calling her name, like a stranger calling her name. It doesn’t sound like how it’s supposed to be. It doesn’t sound right. Why he wouldn’t call her first name although they were alone?

“Fine,” she finally gave up.

“Listen,” he said, now his grip is more loosened, and Seisa slightly considering looking at her hand and see if it was bruised or not, maybe even make a run for it while she’s at it, but ditched the ridiculous idea. “I never confessed to Eruna. I didn’t have any special feelings toward her.”

She feels as if carrying a heavy bag, and now that bag was finally lifted off her back. It feels light, and comforting, even if he’s lying. She finds herself trusting him nonetheless. It was annoying, but she finally realized that people in love just want rest assurance, they want to feel secure and they want to cling onto hope as long as they can. She feels a little vulnerable when she thinks like that, her feelings probably interfering her own common sense. _But then, why she lied to her?_

“She… She told me you confessed to her a few days ago. I received four free tickets, so I gave to her, and she arranged a double date instead.”

“What? How can—oh, _god_ , that damn guy, I told him to not bother.”

“Who?”

“Shigure. I think they’re setting this up.”

“But what do you mean by ‘to not bother’?”

Kyoma stared at her, and sighed, rubbing the back of his head. “Nothing. Don’t worry.”

Not bother _what_? Why Shigure and Eruna would even set this up in the first place, anyway? If Eruna did like Kyoma, why she still goes this far to do this? _Why?_

“You still haven’t answer do you have anyone you like or not.”

“Geez.” Kyoma scratched the back of his head again, and now his face is red again, flustered just like he was moments ago. He ruffled Seisa’s hair, “Yeah, I do. But that’s a secret, get it?”

He do? If not Eruna, then who? If Shigure probably knows who, why they set— _Oh_. Seisa feels blood rushing to her face, and she bit her lips again, because _it can’t be_. That explains a lot of things, _that surely explains a lot of things_. The way he looks at her. And the way he looks at Eruna. Obviously they were different. Of course the way he looks at Eruna is different from how he looks at her. And the way he looks at Eruna is probably the same as how he looks at Shigure—but _of course_ , it would be different when it comes to her.

“Sorry about a lot of things.”

“I should apologize too.”

Because she’s the only person he’d ever look at that way.

Seisa only smiled before her hands reaching for his hands, and this time it goes unplanned at all, her tangling them around his again. She knew this time she wanted to initiated it first, so she carefully tiptoed, and Kyoma seemed to realizing what she wants to do, and bends, and this time it was much more romantic than the first time—under the sparkling night sky, under the stars shining and glimmering, sparkling bright and it was so cliché, but Seisa still kissed him anyway. It doesn’t matter, whatever was on the sky or whatever behind them as the scenery. It was yet another sloppy, awkward attempt, and they giggled. “And how about you?”

“Me? I do. But that’s a secret, too.”

She doesn’t feel like a kid lost in a crowded place anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, yes, it’s computer terminal, but I just want to write it as phone. Second, the detail in the amusement park is my headcanon because it’s an important part of the fic and I didn’t want the canon to limit me (I even forced myself to sit down around 30 minutes to settle on the details of what’s going on).
> 
> About the ending, I prefer subtle things because it’s fun and it doesn’t feel forced to me, so yes, this is the kind of ending you get (sorry for that). Honestly I think the ending isn’t that smooth, but I’m still satisfied with it. By the way, thank you for reading until this far! I’m glad I learned how to plan a plot properly, but I think I won’t be writing any multi-fic chapter soon, so expect more one shots in the future. See you again~


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